Some moments in life seem normal but prove to be life changing. Then there are those moments that will clearly impact your life forever. Like when you sign up for Pinterest. There is no turning back from a moment like that. Trust me. Part of you dies. I think it is the man part.

Back in about 2002 I had a moment that redefined my life in my heart and mind. As a high school basketball coach, I have had many ups and downs in relationships. It can be tough at times. If you really work hard and care, you are bound to cross lines and upset people. If you just take it easy and be nice, you probably will not help your players push through barriers in life that hold them back from their purpose and significance. I care. So I risk.

But before this particular moment, it was less of a commitment for me. I essentially took the same approach before this, but after this moment I knew why I did what I did and was committed to the core.

I got a message from my wife that my assistant coach’s father died and one of my players was in a car accident. They were both at the same hospital. I had no other information.

I vividly remember the drive to the hospital. This was my inner dialogue:

Was the player dead? Badly injured? Who else was involved? Was I going to comfort two families in their worst moments? Will I be the first one there? Will there be throngs of people? Who am I for them to need ME to be there?

This is too much. I can’t take this. If I didn’t know these people, I wouldn’t hurt. If I didn’t coach I wouldn’t know these people. I hurt for them. But I don’t like hurting. So, I can take away the responsibility of hurting by not know anyone.

Then it hit me. A word came to me. I believe it was God, but it actually doesn’t matter what I or anyone believes about Him speaking to me or us.

This still small voice in me said, “Now you understand why some people hide. Now you understand why the pain of loss overwhelms people. Now you know why some people want to hide and live as hermits, alone. However, if you do that, you give up the opportunity to know people. And knowing people, loving them, laughing with them, celebrating with them, and simply being with them is worth it. You have to risk the pain of loss if you really want to receive the joy of relationship. Pain is a certainty. People you know will die and this cannot be avoided. Do not look at life as something to hide from. Embrace this reality, pain of loss is not just likely, it is inevitable. But the joy of relationship is greater. Roger, know people. Love people. Pain is not your enemy.”

Calm settled over my soul. Fear dissipated. Love for these friends began to weigh heavier on the scale than emotions. I loved them. Anything else was irrelevant.

The ride felt like a supernatural transport. I floated there. Walking into the hospital is not something I can recall. But I remember the hallway at the hospital. I was ready for anything and only wanted to show my love for these families.

The father of the assistant coach, though in bad condition, had not passed away. The player in the accident was virtually unharmed and already gone.

Those are great moments. A powerful lesson learned with little or no harm.

Since then I have been in pain. I have been to funerals and grieved with others. Yet I have seen the scale tilted heavily on the side of joy and love. Knowing people is worth it.

The deeper love you have, the deeper pain you will have. But love weighs much more than anything else in life. Pile it on that scale. Load it up. Love. Risk. Don’t hold back. Speak love. Be vulnerable. Invite people in.

Maybe I am wrong, but I think pain has a limited capacity. Sure, it can be pretty heavy, but there must be a point at which it is limited. Yet, I am confident that love has no boundaries and can only be limited by our own resistance to it. In this visual analogy, I just want to load up that scale with as much love as possible by giving, receiving, speaking, thinking, singing, dancing, writing, and being love. I cannot eliminate pain from the scale, but I can tilt the scale with love.

Join me?